I am one paper away from summer break. It has been a really full summer of work and school and preaching in my home church as a Divinity student. Next week I am going to be all about sewing but in the meantime, here are two books I read for school that were excellent and a link to my latest sermon on Radical Hospitality that I am very proud of. Link to sermon here. I will be back posting at the end of the month and hope by that time to have sewed some pants, a bathing suit, a blouse and a dress.

Both of these are excellent reads that all Americans should read IMO. I am no longer on goodreads. I lost access and I didn’t want to give Amazon all my info to log back on so I am not really keeping track of my reading, but these are excellent books that I read this summer and didn’t want to forget that I read this summer. I highly recommend them.

My last blog post was May 2023. I had many sewing plans. Three weeks later I broke my wrist into many pieces, had surgery, did PT for many months and didn’t sew at all. It was a sad situation. I sewed a bit in 2024 but partway through the year, I had an existential crisis and decided to apply to grad school to give me options for a different career path. I have been in oncology nursing for 18 years and I will likely continue to do this work for many more, but at some point, I will want to narrow my focus back to spending most of my time one on one with patients. Right now I have many administrative responsibilities, am pulled in many directions, and am feeling a bit frazzled. So I am now about to start my third (of 11) term at Duke Divinity School because some day, I would like to transition to being a hospital chaplain. It’s amazing. It’s challenging. It is a privilege. It is a four year long program so it is a journey! Needless to say between working full time as a nurse practitioner and doing a graduate degree at the same time leaves very little time for sewing. But I just had a 5 week breaks and I dove into many unfinished projects inspired by the Thread Loop app which lets me see the projects by status so each time I look at the list, I see what I have finished and what is in process. It may sound silly but it really keeps me on task.

Today I was supposed to be on my way to our Seminary immersion week for the Summer term. Immersion week is a 5-day intensive in-person session, but Delta texted me last night and cancelled my flight and told me sorry, no other available flights. So, I am flying out tomorrow on American and thought I would document some of my sewing wins.

This month I finished a long-time WIP: a corduroy Oslo coat which I have been working on for several years. It was inspired by a brown corduroy coat that I love and still wear, 26 years after buying it in New York. This was a challenging sew. I had a plan for a quilted lining but after sewing it, I scrapped it because it was too stiff. The unfinished coat sat in my sewing room for literally years until Blackbird Fabrics had a navy flannel back lining fabric on sale which called my name. The coat is full of mistakes, but I love it, and it feels great on, and I know I will wear it all the time next Fall. Here are some pictures that don’t do it justice. I love the pattern that the corduroy makes on the shawl collar. I sewed whatever the largest size was: 16 maybe? and added 3 inches to the length and 2 to the sleeves which ended up possibly too long, but I like them with the sleeve turned back so you can see the lining. I expect to wear it over jeans as my noodling around NYC Fall coat.

The second project I finished this month is a Grainline Tamarack jacket with a hood and zipper. I used the quilted Merchant and Mills cotton that is all the rage. I went a bit rogue and didn’t use bias binding. It wasn’t an issue anywhere except where the hood met the zipper. But I fudged it a bit and it works well enough and it is a perfect slouchy hoody. This is my third Tamarack but not my last. I love the pattern. I made a straight size 12 which is what I have sewn each time. No adjustments. So comfortable.

The third WIP I finished this month is a Helen’s Closet Pona Jacket in a beautiful plaid tweed linen that I got in NYC at Gray Lines Linens in the Garment District some time before the pandemic. I cut this project out at least two years ago. I believe that I cut a large based on my measurements. I was happy with the end result but I found the sewing process a bit stressful. Helen uses a creative approach that encloses the seams but it makes it challenging to adjust things along the way. I usually use a hem facing so I can adjust the length at the end and that wasn’t possible here so I followed the directions and prayed. I think it was fine in the end but I might change how I construct it next time. I would like to sew another version in a pink linen from my stash. I wore it when I preached a sermon recently. I preached on one of the healing stories in the Gospel of Mark. If you are interested, you can listen here, starting at minute 40.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKN_Xdb0do8

It is short and sweet. I mostly talk with my hands as you can see below.

Finally, I sewed a new to me pattern, the Closet Core Chloe Jeans. I love them. I sewed a straight 12. They fit generally great, but the back gapes a bit. I inserted some elastic which helps. I am already sewing a second pair and I am trying a couple of tweaks to perfect the fit. I will report back! I used a black heavyweight denim that I have owned for years. I am sewing a corduroy pair now. Also stash fabric. If my tweaks work, I want to sew a brown denim pair. I tend to sew multiples of the same pattern.

Finally, I finished two scrap quilts that I wanted to sew for the beds my grandsons will sleep on when they visit. I worked on these a bit at a time. I had lots of quilting cotton left over from various projects and I wanted to sew these up while the kids are young enough to enjoy the designs. I cut strips 6.5 inches wide with my quilting ruler and then sliced them into 6.5 X 4.5 inch rectangles and then when I had time, I would sew a strip of 22 of them. The final quilts were 10 strips wide. One strip of precut rectangles takes me about 30 minutes to sew so I was able to do this in easy chunks as a study break this winter when I was too busy to tackle any more complicated projects. I sent them to be longarm quilted and backed them heavyweight cotton plaid. The kids don’t know that I made them so it will be a surprise. I expect that they will probably go home with them to the Midwest and if that is the case, I plan to make more of these to have in the house when kids visit. It was a fun and satisfying sew and sending them off to be long-armed made all the difference. I used a pattern called Domestic Waves. the longarm quilter is Wild Phil Quilting (highly recommend) and I love the post-wash crinkle (see photo above. The pictures below are before washing so you can see the design. Would use this one again. It is great with the straight lines of the rectangles.)

A big reason I am getting things done is that I started using the Thread Loop website. I catalogued all of my patterns (and added free patterns I don’t have but could use) and most of my fabric and I now feel so organized. You can create projects and sort them and it helps me not lose track of ideas I may have while keeping me focused on the project at hand. If you haven’t tried it, I highly recommend it.

I have been limiting my fabric purchases and it is so helpful to see what you own in the app and match what you have with the patterns you want to sew. I am excited to sew the Made by Rae Sapphire Dress this Summer and the Closet Core Claire shorts and I bought the new Friday Pattern Company pants pattern because I was intrigued by how simple it is. It will either be great or a fail but I am willing to risk trying. I have generally had great luck with the Closet Core pants block so plan to make more Mitchell Trousers and their Rika pants in addition to the Chloe Jeans. Being able to sew pants that fit feels like a superpower (more pants pictures below for good measure. The fit really is great-almost perfect.)

I haven’t been doing a lot of reading but my Libby library hold came in today and I am totally engrossed in Heartwood. I am also excited to read the new Ali Smith. I love everything she writes.

Well that is it for now. I am hoping to continue my sewing momentum but I am off to school tomorrow so it may be another while before I post again but hopefully not two years.

One of the greatest joys of my life is being a Granny to two little boys. Another great joy is watching my daughter and son in law parent them with such care. In particular, they teach the older one patience with his brother and with himself by using the phrase: “He’s/you’re still learning.” I love that so much and I find that here and now in my 60’s, I am also still learning.

The pandemic really did a number on my focus and affected my reading and my sewing. Whereas prior to 2020, I would fly through books and sewing projects, sewing a garment a week and reading 100 books in a year without even thinking about it, the heaviness of the last three years and my work as a healthcare worker really set me back and affected my focus.

Another wonderful phrase I have learned from my grandchild’s school: the children have two “grades” M and P: Mastered and Practicing. And sometimes, something they have mastered becomes something they are practicing, because life is like that. And so this year, my goal has been to work towards regaining my focus through practice. To help me regain my reading attention span, I have been working my way through some classics. To regain my sewing focus, I made a goal for Me Made May to just sew. I am practicing things I previously had mastered, and that is OK.

Something that really helped me get back into sewing this past month was to take my sewing machine along when I went away for a quiet weekend by myself at the end of April. I planned it because the noise of my life had become incessant. My work in a busy medical practice means that I am pinged and beeped and alerted all day long. My very full life as a mom, stepmom, granny and wife mean that in addition to my patients, I have many family members I regularly connect with. I really love the connection but this Spring I was craving quiet so I decided to take a weekend away, really away: no computer with me, limited phone usage, I didn’t even tell anyone where I was going. It was truly time for me. I planned to read and write and spend time outside. And then, the day before I left, I heard that the forecast was for rain every single day. So I packed some sewing projects and my sewing machine.

On my way to my secret destination, I caught up on podcasts and happened to listen to this episode of the Love to Sew podcast. I actually found it to be very inspiring and although I had brought along a new pattern that I was excited to make and fabric for that new pattern, I also had some partially sewn garments with me as well and I decided to try to make some progress.

My primary goal for my weekend was to be in the moment so I decided not to take any pictures so I wouldn’t be temped to pick up my phone but I did take these two, just to document my re-entry into sewing. This is a pair of Luna pants that I cut out a year ago thinking I needed to sew something fun. I had two meters of this beautiful blue block print from Blackbird Fabrics which was just enough for the four main pieces but not enough for the pockets. I had finally, this spring, cut the pockets out of the the leftover yellow block print from my Ruby shirt, and I had brought all of the cut pieces with me. When I bring my sewing machine along on vacation, I also bring this Quilter’s ironing mat that works great on top of a table, or in this case, the kitchen counter. Ironically, the week after I got back. Love to Sew did a podcast about sewing vacations! This is my tip-so much easier to pack than an ironing board.

I didn’t actually finish anything during my weekend away but I made a lot of progress on this project and on some Lander pants and shorts which I had started 2 years and 9 months ago, respectively. I had remembered almost everything, but realized when I started sewing, that I had forgotten to bring the Lander instructions. I have sewn many pairs but I still needed the instructions to refer to and I had specifically left my computer at home, but I thought to email True Bias and they graciously emailed the instructions, saving the day.

I didn’t finish the Landers either, but I made progress. And so that was my plan for Me Made May. To just find time to sew and see where I got with my projects.

Well, it is May 29th, and I have finished 9 projects, so calling this a success.

First, the Luna pants. I ended up having to use a hem facing to get enough length, but they turned out great! Perfect for summer.

Next I finished the Lander shorts. These are sewn in a 12oz Bull denim from Blackbird Fabrics that I bought and used in 2020 to make the Clyde Jumpsuit. I had just enough left over-but had to use hem facings-something I really enjoy doing for the pop of color. It has some stretch and is super comfortable but very heavy to sew with. I broke at least 3 sewing needles attaching the belt loops but worth it. The buttons are from Joanne’s. Worn here with a Made by Rae Jade top. I add elastic just between to two back darts to help the fit. It really works well for me.

Next I altered/finished a True Bias Nikko top that I sewed during the Christmas holidays. I cut and sewed my regular size but had never used the sleeves and it was too tight across the back and the shoulders puckered and I thought all was lost but I took a chance and just cut off the sleeves and used bands to hem the armholes and I love it (worn here with Lander cropped cords I sewed in 2020.)

Next I finished some knit projects I cut out last year: A navy blue Axis Tank and some underwear (Barrie Briefs) sewn in a rib knit from I See Fabric. I was influenced by another sewer to buy these fabrics because I loved the colors and I still love the colors but I really think the fabric is too heavy for underwear but lets just say that if you want to feel really secure, these are for you. I know I will wear them though and it felt good to finish them. I don’t remember if the Axis Tank uses elastic or just bands but I put elastic in the bottom hem and just used bands for the armholes. I have worn it several times and have a couple of others that are cut out and ready to sew. It is great for yoga and hot days and wearing under overalls.

Today I finally finished my stone-colored corduroy Landers and they turned out great. I am thrilled and I want to sew my other two pairs (I bought this corduroy in several colors many years back) for exactly this purpose.

I also finished a navy blue sweater knit Marlo sweater. I used the cropped version but added 2 inches in length-which is my normal long-torso 5’9″ adjustment. I nearly got derailed by this one when I went to iron in the black interfacing and ironed the wrong side, mucking up my iron, but I just grabbed some of the 2 inch wide strip of cotton knit that I was using for the Axis and cut strips the length of the button bands and put it inside the band like a knit sandwich. It seemed to work great. I got the buttons and fabric from Stone Mountain and Daughters. I love their button selection. I bought several last summer because I hope to sew the Evelyn skirt one day. Sweater shown here with the Landers before I added the jeans buttons. My buttonholes were ON POINT! I love when that happens. As I always do, I used hem facings and elastic in the waistband, just between the two back darts.

Last, I sewed up a pair of Arden shorts that I cut out last summer. I had cut out two versions of this pattern and finished the linen-cotton pair last summer (seen here with another Axis tank).

They don’t fit me as well as the Landers or the Made by Rae Rose shorts so I don’t think I will be making them again but they were already cut out and so I decided to finish them. I tried to just enjoy the process of sewing them and ended up deciding to use a contrasting waistband. I still don’t love the fit but they will be fine to pull on over a bathing suit or to wear at the house on hot nights. No regrets that I sewed them up. Sometimes it helps to have low-stakes projects to sew when you are getting back into sewing after a long break.

The other thing I enjoyed this month was rediscovering how many clothes I sewed many years ago and still want to wear and enjoy wearing. Here are a few. None of the denim items are me-made but I decided to not stress about sewing everything. I consider them placeholders for when I have the time and bandwidth to sew similar garments myself but in the meantime, I am grateful to find ready to wear items I can afford and that fit. I probably wore the daisy Marlo more than any other garment this month. I really love it. For more me made may outfits and details on these garments, pop over to Nursebeansews on instagram. And thanks for following along!

Sometime around mid-December after coming down with a cold, I started having headaches. They weren’t like the headaches I have gotten in the past and at first I put it down to sinus pressure, took some sudafed, and got on with my life, but the pain, or more specifically, the sensation of pressure continued. There was no particular pattern or trigger, although it seemed to be worst at the end of the day but I would go to bed with pressure and wake up with pressure and at a certain point, I realized that this had been going on for over a month and I don’t usually get headaches.

I am not generally an alarmist but I do work as an oncology NP full time and have seen things that have stayed with me so I always have in the back of my mind, what if? So I set up a video visit with my doctor (hello 2023) and he listened to what I said and then he ordered an MRI. On the one hand, he took me seriously and ordered an MRI. On the other, HOLY COW! he ordered an MRI. Luckily I have good healthcare, it was scheduled 10 days later and it ended up just showing my average, ordinary, 62-year old brain, which, through the magic of mychart, I was able to see myself, just a couple of hours later, as I sat on a bench in Central Park, all of this reflecting my immense privilege to get the scan, get the answer quickly, and not be bankrupted in the process.

Interestingly now, but somewhat terrifyingly for the 10 days I had to wait for the scan, my head went to the biggest what if of all-the what if this is brain cancer and I have a much shorter time left than I thought. And that turned out to be very clarifying. It turns out that you can think that you know what you would focus on if you only had a certain amount of time but when it isn’t actually the case, you can’t really put yourself in that mindset, but this felt possible enough — in my head maybe 50-50 — that I started thinking about what I would want to complete and how I would want to spend my time. I saved the list because I don’t want to forget what my priorities turned out to be. And those priorities are informing my 2023 resolutions/intentions/goals.

The ways I like to spend my time beyond spending it with my partner and kids, and grandkids, of course, are reading, sewing and spending time outside, preferably on the beach. I have struggled since 2020 with my focus because my work became and continues to be more stressful and bleeds into my home life. Work from home sometimes feels as though you are always working. Reading in particular, has been a slog. I still read more than the average person, but I often get 50-100 pages into a book and something happens, a character makes a bad choice, there is a death, divorce, infidelity, cancer etc. (life happens?) and I just can go no further. I probably have abandoned about 35-40 books over the last three years-contemporary fiction that I would have flown through before 2020.

During my 10 days of (almost) thinking I had limited time, I realized that if my time really was limited, I would stop reading/listening to any book I didn’t like and would avoid contemporary fiction altogether. Instead I would go back to books I have read and loved and maybe tackle some classics. I just read Bleak House for the first time and perhaps because it required me to focus, I got drawn in and read in over the month of January. I have decided to stop worrying about reading all the things and will try to focus on reading one classic at a time unless something else pulls me in. For example this book, which I ended up reading in a day.

Very fun. (Always make time for fun). I read Bleak House in the Penguin clothbound edition, inspired by the Conquer a Classic year-long read a long led by Annie B. Jones at Bookshelf Thomasville, a little bookstore in a small town in Georgia that is an absolute delight.

I really enjoyed the tactile experience of holding a clothbound book-I took notes and underlined along the way. I recently listened to Ezra Klein’s podcast about the “reading mind” and it was really interesting. Although I do love the convenience of reading books on my kindle, this podcast really spoke to me about how we take in information- I have started getting the paper newspaper on the weekend and am thinking more about reading paper books rather than electronically. In the case of the clothbound Bleak House, I really liked the heft of this book/reading experience. It helped me slow down, something I really need. I decided that rather than overbuying, I will read one classic at at time and order another clothbound book when I finish the one in hand. I have already decided that Vanity Fair is next and it is on its way to me. I will report back but this seems to be working for me so far. (reading intention for 2023-read fewer books, more classics, paper rather than kindle when possible)

As far as sewing, I have mostly been sewing for my grandkids this past couple of years. I have made a zillion flashback T’s,

thank you Rae, long sleeved, short sleeved, as pj tops, etc. and many versions of the mini Hudson pants

and a simple elastic waist knit shorts pattern that I hacked by combining a couple of other patterns. Also toddler undies (see Rae’s post for pattern and details, though I didn’t serge mine, just used my regular sewing machine as I have done for knits all along.)

I sewed an apron for my son and many napkins for all three of my kids and for us:

I have sewn a couple of tops for me and some Marlo sweaters

but have gotten overwhelmed by the many patterns and large amount of fabric I bought in years past on sale when I was sewing many garments. I basically stopped sewing for much of the last few years and those patterns and stacks of fabric feel overwhelming now and honestly like they are staring at me, a reprimand for overbuying, over-planning, too many ideas. When I briefly thought I had limited time, my initial thought was that I wouldn’t sew one more garment for me-that wouldn’t be my priority. Instead, finishing some long-lingering quilt projects for kids/grandkids would be more important (also organizing and labeling the massive stash of fabric, currently working on that) – but as of today, I am not dying and so in between finishing those quilts (hopefully this year) I want to get back in touch with what I loved about sewing in the first place: getting lost in the process, following the steps, making something I want to wear, not worrying about keeping up with the never-ending more more more-ness of the sewing instagram.

Right now I am slowly sewing some corduroy Lander pants. I will probably sew a couple of pairs. I bought the fabric in February of 2020 with exactly this pattern in mind. And it feels great to follow familiar steps of a pattern I enjoy sewing. So that will be high on my list of priorities this year.

Interestingly, I didn’t have feelings of wanting to travel, see some exotic place I have never seen, when I thought I had limited time. I did think about wanting to prioritize time outdoors. This is something I really started doing last year and it has been lifechanging. No, I am not on an island in the Mediterranean but I live close to the shore and how lucky I am.

Most warm-enough days, I make the time to do a 2-3 mile walk/jog and sometimes I bring a basketball and shoot hoops.

Very fun. (always make time for fun).

So while it was an unexpected thought exercise, it was actually helpful to have this brief scare and think about things I want to complete-projects I don’t want to leave unfinished. Spending time quilting is definitely a priority for 2023. I have an antique quilt top I bought years ago that I am hand quilting. I want to make progress on that beautiful project (see below) and sew two quilt tops -one small one to be handquilted and a couple of bed-sized tops to be longarmed by someone else in 2023. I think it is doable.

Overall I am optimistic about 2023. Trying to get into a new normal groove. Focusing on getting plenty of sunshine. How about you?

Today I preached a sermon, as it has been my privilege to do these last three years.

You can link to the sermon here. https://youtu.be/89cEYHcOpb4

https://sccsermons.podbean.com/e/08152021-julie-beck-where-do-we-go-from-here-julie-center-pastoral-prayer/

My topic was inspired by the Olympics and by a something Drew Jackson from Hope East Village said to his congregation last week.

I wore my Made by Rae Emerald top, blogged here. You can link to my prior sermons in this post, and this one. Last year I spoke about Making Peace With Uncertainty, a topic that continues to feel very relevant, but I really want to push us toward more action at this point. In my work with my patients, I know I can’t change opinions if I push them hard but I am sometimes able to move the needle a little bit, for example for my patients who are choosing to not get the vaccine, through empathy and trying to connect with where the other person is coming from. This was my goal here.

I would love to know what you think! Stay safe friends.

It is December 31st and my instagram is flooded with end of year reflections and 3X3 photo grids, mostly posted by sewing friends who share their most-liked posts filled with beautiful handsewn garments. Normally that would be me but this year was like no other.

In February, after a birthday weekend spent in NYC taking a sewing workshop and staying overnight in the city with my husband, (and eating out at several favorite Brooklyn restaurants,) life changed, almost on a dime. I look back at my texts to my husband and it tells the story. Even as early as February 6th when I went to my previously scheduled doctor’s appts in NYC, I was being screened for recent travels. I was a little nervous about riding the subway and eating out in Brooklyn and bodegas were selling masks. And then the first case was in NYC and then it was in Connecticut. The hospital where I work was giving me and my colleagues daily messages, often contradictory, about how best to handle things. On March 11th, I got fitted for an N95 mask but the following week, we were told that there was a shortage and that they wouldn’t be issued to us, only ICU staff. We were told to wear surgical masks and then told that we shouldn’t be wearing them because they were in short supply. My boss asked me to sew cloth masks for staff to wear but the senior management of the hospital was telling us to not wear masks in clinic and hadn’t endorsed cloth masks for healthcare workers and I was having a hard time just managing the stress of going into work each day and didn’t have the physical or psychic energy to sew masks. To actually sew them would have meant acknowledging that the people who were in charge of keeping me and my coworkers and patients safe didn’t have the resources and information to do that and that was more than I could bear. And so for the month of March into the first week in April, I went into the hospital each day and worked in clinic without a mask. I was especially nervous walking up the 4 flights of stairs to my clinic. As I would pass other hospital employees, I would hold my breath. I pared my physical exams of my patients down to bare minimums and washed my hands constantly. I was so afraid that I might unknowingly have the virus and could infect one of my fragile cancer patients. In April, I had cold symptoms and had to quarantine for 14 days at home so overnight had to figure out how to work from home. Our clinic was short staffed as doctors got pulled to work in the ICU’s at Yale and I took over many new patients.

I realized right away that our patients, elderly cancer patients, many of whom lived at home with limited family and social support, were high risk for loneliness from social isolation so I reached out to colleagues and we created a new program where we call patients at-risk patients weekly. It helped to stay busy but the ongoing stress of worrying about my patients and family members has been a lot. Most nights this year, I have what I call responsibility dreams – I have forgotten something or someone. It has been a heavy load.

I wrote new years resolutions in February of last year because the holidays are always busy and December bleeds into January and in February after we took our weekend trip to New York, I finally had time to reflect on what I wanted me year to look like. My son lives in Chicago and I wanted to do more traveling. I had gotten him memberships to several museums and I bought myself memberships to several museums in New York and I had planned to take weekend trips to see him and to spend time in the city and thought as a sewing goal that I would plan a trip wardrobe. I had fun thinking about the pieces I would sew and how they could be mixed and matched to make different outfits. I had also started a draft of an article for a nursing journal that I wanted to finish. I wanted to read and sew some quilts. It was a relatively modest list of goals.

Needless to say, things didn’t go as planned.

I did do some sewing. I had agreed to be a tester for a new pattern and it was great to have that project to focus on in the spring and I went on to sew several versions of the pattern, the Made By Rae Emerald top.

I did sew one of the pieces of my trip wardrobe, a black sleeveless knit top that I really like.

Here is my trip wardrobe plan. I still plan to take trips and I still plan to sew these garments, just not right now.

And I actually sewed several other garments and quilts, almost completing the goal I had set last year to sew each of my children a quilt. I have one more to sew but it has been challenging to find the time and space during this second half of the year, so that project is on my list for 2021.

I spent a lot of the year planning our grocery shopping and cooking. We had three grown children back in the house most of the summer and fall and so my normal relaxed approach to cooking became much more planned and took way more time. It wasn’t all bad. I found many new recipes that I use all the time now and it was a nice thing to have family meals at the table as gracious end to sometimes challenging days when we were all working or doing school from home. You can see many pictures of many things I cooked in this post.

In December, I made the most of the experience I had cooking and feeding many adults during the pandemic by creating a cooking guide as a Christmas gift for my kids. Big kudos to Alison Roman, whose recipes and you-tubes were a comfort and a source of light during a challenging year. Here is the cover:

And here is a page from the cookbook. I handwrote most of it and then photographed the pages to make an E-Cooking Guide to be a jumping off place for my adult kids who have to cook for themselves.

An example of one of my recipes below: Refrigerator Soup. I use Alison Roman’s parsley topping on almost everything now. Thank you Alison.

We ate many meals on the porch in the summer and were so grateful to have a porch. I baked many more desserts than every before. And in August, I gave a sermon for my church (socially distanced on livestream) and talked about things my patients teach me about living with uncertainty. And the numbers of covid cases started to decline and things felt hopeful.

And then it was Fall and things eased up and I saw my daughter and son in law and grandchild for the first time in 7 months and went back to swimming at my gym and it seemed as though maybe we were coming to an end of this, at least in the Northeast and I even took a week in October and went hiking alone in Maine. After all those months of carrying my patients’ worries and my worries about my patients, it was a relief to let them go, even for a short while.

And then we had enough PPE in the hospital. We went from no masks to having masks to being required to wear masks to being required to wear masks and face shields. It has been a journey. Me on Election Day below. I phone banked for the first time in my life and it felt right to not stand on the sidelines.

And almost as soon as the election was over, I didn’t feel as though I could relax for even a day because the covid cases started climbing and the politics got even more nasty which seemed really unimaginable. I found solace in watching many different preachers preach each week. I didn’t just listen to my own church service online but several others. Digital church is the one thing that has been helping me in these last hard months of a long hard year. I didn’t have the energy for reading. Although now with the year almost over, I re-read my two favorite books from 2020 and seem to be finding my way back. They are Transcendent Kingdom and Deacon King Kong. They were even better the second time.

My year ended on a hopeful note. I was lucky to get my first dose of the covid-19 vaccine before Christmas. The VA where I work was organized and had enough vaccine for any employee who wanted one and I feel so lucky and grateful to have been able to be in the first wave of those vaccinated. I pray that many more people will be vaccinated in the next several months and that it will help make our world safer for my patients and all of our families.

Every year I write a list for myself of the things I accomplished. It is just for me. I include big things and small. It helps me to look back and see progress, even when it feels like baby steps. For 2020, the things that stand out are finishing my grandson’s quilt, which is completely hand quilted with many tiny stitches and just holding it together and showing up every day for my patients and coworkers and family. I am hoping to sew more and stress less in 2021 and I wish for you the same!

I have a goodreads account where I track my reading but I will also be tracking my 2021 reads in a new instagram account dedicated to my reading life: @nursebeanreads. Feel free to follow me there.

Wishing you a healthy new year filled with grace and peace.